23年专注出国语言培训
津桥优学

津桥优学

津桥通APP

津桥通APP

400-650-8585
当前位置:雅思培训 > 雅思写作 >

雅思大作文批改示范

2019-06-12编辑 : 津桥国际学院
随着考试难度的加大,烤鸭同学们的学习和复习力度也在随之增加,最近不少同学来找津桥国际的老师批改作文。作为一名写作老师,我平均批改的作文也在每月几乎30篇以上。下面就给大家示范一下我平时如何批改作业的。

  随着考试难度的加大,烤鸭同学们的学习和复习力度也在随之增加,最近不少同学来找津桥国际的老师批改作文。作为一名写作老师,我平均批改的作文也在每月几乎30篇以上。下面就给大家示范一下我平时如何批改作业的。

  题目 :2019.02.14科技与公共设施(香港、东南亚、澳洲考题)

  Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree?

  In recent years, the new technologies are becoming more and more advanced and. developed. Therefore, some people claim that people can see cultural relics by using a computer rather by going to the museums and art galleries. From my perspective, I think this view seems considerable but it needs our further examination.

  On the one hand, seeing historic historical objects is more attractive and impressive. 问题1:这一句话属于表述不准确的问题,考生是想强调亲自去观看的意思,但是,这个表述体现不出亲身近距离观看。This is because people could enjoy the artworks in a very short distance. These could help people see the color and texture of works clearly which are hard to see in the computer. What's more, going to the museums or art galleries in person where are filled with artistic atmosphere could help people pay attention to the artworks. A good example can be seen in china问题2:大小写的细节错误. Artists usually go to the museums and art galleries in person rather enjoying artworks via the computer. In the museums, They can see the works’ details carefully which are helpful for them to improve their own abilities. What’s more, in such a situation which full of beautiful and wonderful exhibits, it is more likely for artists to come up with new designs inspiration.

  问题3:这一段中,整体很多话题相关词汇考生是每有用到和体现出来的比如:paintings,sculpture,statues 等等。另外很多素材也可以去使用,比如在故宫去观看这些雕塑,瓷器,建筑,去卢浮宫看油画,去圣保罗教堂看壁画,会给观看者带来启发和灵感等。这些经历是无法和在网上观看作品所媲美的。

  On The other hand, it is more convenient for people to appreciate the works by using a computer. This is because people can see any artworks anywhere and anytime via the computer. It could be possible for people who live far from the museums to enjoy the historical objects. For example, my 20-year-old sister majors in design. Her teacher usually asks her to imitate famous artworks which mostly be collected in the British museum. It is too costly and distant to go to the UK in person. Therefore, she finds a lot of pictures of the works online at few seconds. In this way, she could get some ideas without physically being there.

  In conclusion, it is obvious that enjoying the historical objects in museums and art galleries is an more attractive way, However, we can't ignore that seeing the exhibit by using the computer con solve the problem caused by distance.

  问题4 :最后这一部分,我想说的是审题的部分,题目的关键词是不需要,因为电脑,所以到了最后的部分我作为读者没有看到需要还是不需要的回应。

  因此我建议改一下思路,重点是扣题:

  1 开头

  2 一方面的确方便了因为电脑

  3 但是,另一方便并不意味着不要博物馆和历史景点了,原因1

  4 进步来说 原因2

  5 结尾 我承认互联网和电脑的进步使得方便了,但是并不意味这博物馆和历史景点的价值随之变小且可以被取代了,因为...

  因此通过分析,我个人总结一下考生出现的问题由主到次和个人给出的建议,依次如下:

  ① 审题不仔细,题目的回应度不足,个人清晰的观点不明确。 建议审题更加注意一些。

  ② 词汇的使用可以更加多元化一些,把自己已知词汇挖掘利用出来,同时同义替换多进行一些,比如文章关于see 的表达方式完全可以换种表达方式,比如接触,观察,沉浸在气氛中等。

  ③ 细节错误,比如大小写,需要尽量避免。

  好了,以上就是给大家提供的一个作文批改的示范,相信通过津桥老师细致和负责的批改,大家备考会更加充分!

上一篇:雅思写作中饼状图的答题技巧

下一篇:通过4篇雅思作文看透写作结构(上)

相关文章
 
热门课程
北京总部地址:北京市海淀区中关村大街甲59号中国人民大学文化大厦9层
中关村地址:北京市海淀区中关村南大街甲18号北京国际大厦C座6层
封闭校区:北京市海淀区闵庄路3号玉泉慧谷29号楼
电话:400-650-8585
北京华钜津桥联合商务咨询有限公司
工信部备案:京ICP备08103786号-19